In the spot light with Lamey Crackhouse
Posted on 10. Aug, 2012 by T.T. Tassel in The Spot Light
I got a tip off that Lamey Crackhouse would be in my neighbourhood, armed with this information I made a few more enquiries and was able to confirm that she would be, and even better, I was able to set up a meeting for an interview.
Surprisingly she agreed to meet at a coffee shop, and even had me order tea for her, it was only during the interview that I noticed her drink was not going down despite her regularly taking sips, upon closer inspection it could be seen (although well concealed) that she was in fact topping her drink up from a flask she had about her person.
So ladies and Gentlemen I give you the Lamey Crackhouse interview.
(T.T. Tassel) Of course the first question has to be, what brings you to Finland?
(Lamey Crackhouse) The rampant alcoholism, prostitute free streets, meaning less competition for me.
(T.T. Tassel) What are your thoughts on Finnish president Niinistö meeting the queen?
(Lamey Crackhouse) Who?
(T.T. Tassel) Do you enjoy the Olympics?
(Lamey Crackhouse) I love it darling! Especially the Swimming, diving and the wrestling … the closer it gets to soft core porn the more pleasurable it is. I mean it’s just not sport unless I’m dripping too.
(T.T. Tassel) How do you cope with the Finnish winters?
(Lamey Crackhouse) Winter? I’m usually so coked up that I don’t notice the change….
(T.T. Tassel) Do you think that Amy profited from having a name so close to your own?
(Lamey Crackhouse) Well clearly the bitch did! As you’re all probably aware by now I went to school with that bitch and we wrote all her songs together, but while she got the fame, money and the men.. I got pregnant. Six kids later and with piss flaps that sound like saloon doors when I walk, yeah I think it would safe to say she profited.
(T.T. Tassel) George Clooney or Johnny Dep?
(Lamey Crackhouse) Both dear and the entire England rugby team, the more the merrier.. as my dear old mother use to say ’’ Lamey dear,.. if you can walk the next day, then it’s just not worth it’’
(T.T. Tassel) Who has been the biggest inspiration to you?
(Lamey Crackhouse) My dear old mum, she taught how to give my first hand job, to always wipe front to back and always to get the money up front.
(T.T. Tassel) Who is your biggest supporter?
(Lamey Crackhouse) I would say my kids… but most of them are in foster care or prison. So I guess it would have to be the men that I ‘service’ their money is really a great support.
(T.T. Tassel) How did you become involved with burlesque?
(Lamey Crackhouse) Oh it’s a magical story. Long ago I was off my tits and handing out bjs for five euros a pop,.. when that bitch whore Lola Vanilla offered me a way onto the stage and into the hearts and minds of the Finnish people. Where I could spread my vile brand of humour, just like I spread my incurable form of herpes.
(T.T. Tassel) How do you feel Finnish burlesque compares to burlesque in other countries?
(Lamey Crackhouse) Well as I have been banned from travelling to many countries across the globe I only have London to compare it to,.. and well let’s just say Finnish burlesque is the best in the world and the festivals here are not run by a total twunt.
At this point Lamey said that if I wanted to hear her talk more I should purchase a ticket for burlesque cocktail vol 5, or if I had something else in mind, (then she got out a portable taxi meter from her bag and gave me a wink and a grin), so I thanked her for her time and said that I would be sure to get my tickets for burlesque cocktail vol 5, and the Turku burlesque weekend.
Lamey Crackhouse at Boom Boom Burlesque
I ask you all to put your hands together for the one and only Lamey Crackhouse.
Picture by Rhia
T.T. Tassel (Your undercover agent in the front line of Finnish Burlesque)
